Late-night drama queen

More change...

2009-09-28T14:22:00.003-04:00

OK, OK, I'm sorry. I've been throwing a lot of changes your way. For those of you who are change-phobic, I really apologize. But this is the end of it.

I really want to make this blog something great. It's the third one I've had in the past two years, but this one is going to stick. I want to do a lot more with it than I have in the past. So, that brings me to this latest (and last!) change...

I'm moving to Wordpress.

I've been comfortable here in my little Blogger world, but I want to do more and Wordpress seems more conducive to that.

SO, change your bookmarks, change your feeds, change your links, because Late Night Drama Queen now lives HERE! I hope you'll come over and continue to comment because the discussion with you all is really what I love most about this whole world.

And don't forget, you can follow me on Twitter here too!

Much much love and many apologies for the numerous changes!

-LNDQ

New look!

2009-09-27T20:04:00.003-04:00

I've spent the greater part of today doing a bit of a redesign of my blog. I've got a new header (or, actually, four new ones. This is just the one I was happiest with). I realize that the cartoon chicks don't look precisely like me, but it was the best I could do. And I like having the different emotions of them on there to sort of go with the "dramatic" flair I often have here in my little world.

The header image isn't the best quality, so I have to work on that tonight, but it's basically how it'll look when I'm done.

I also have a new Twitter account just for the blog. Follow me? Please? I'll love you forever (but I pretty much already do anyway).

Also, the little cartoons were created at My Web Face. It's fun. Go play.

AHHHHHHHHHH OMG ASFBIASGHOINOVDHSGIOS

2009-09-26T16:12:00.005-04:00

If you can't read the title of this beyond the "OMG," you're not alone. I have no idea how to pronounce it, but I'm about 99% that's what came out of my mouth about an hour ago while on the phone with one of my BFFs.

Why, you ask? (You did ask why, didn't you? I thought so.)

This is how the last 18(ish) hours have gone.

At 11 p.m. last night I looked at my phone and saw I had a missed call from Ms. AA about 20 minutes prior to that.

Disclaimer: this is not a name that she got because she's a member of AA...it happens to be her first and middle initials and I started calling her that (mixed with the occasional "AlAnon") because I found it amusing. Granted, we were probably intoxicated when this happened the first time. But I digress....

So I had a missed call and a voicemail from her at 10:40, which is kind of odd for her to call me 1) that late and 2) on a weekend. Typically on the weekends she is with her man, J, because they live about 40 minutes apart and they spend most weekends at either her place or his. So we usually chat on weeknights rather than on weekends (because, really, the thought of interrupting sexytime gives me hives).

I listened to the voicemail and she said she just wanted to chat, so I figured that J must've been out of town for work and she was bored and wanted to catch up since it'd been a while. I was exhausted after babysitting my nephew for the night and just wanted to collapse.

(I had also just watched Remember the Titans on TNT for about the 20th or so time and bawled like a baby, so I wasn't in the shape to chat with anyone. But, seriously, what the heck is it with that movie that gets me every time?! I know exactly what happens!)

So I went to bed instead of calling her back. Woke up this morning and was instantly on toddler duty since he spent the night. We went out to breakfast and after a ~~pleasant~~ absolutely disgusting discovery that the munchkin had leaked out of his diaper, I took him into the bathroom to change him (and clean myself up). While in there in the midst of the cleansing process, my phone starts ringing with Ms. AA's ringtone. It was 10:30 a.m.

At this point, I knew something was up if she was calling me a second time in less than 12 hours, but I couldn't talk at that moment (mainly because I feared that I would end up with even more poo on me if I tried to do anything else). When we got home from breakfast, I texted her and said I would call her after my sister came to pick up my nephew unless she needed to talk right then. She said it was fine for me to call her later.

Five hours (and five disgusting diapers - poor baby has a bad stomach bug right now) later, I called her.

The conversation goes something like this:

AA: How are you?

L: I'm great, how are you?

AA: I'm good. Just got my hair cut, so I'm excited about that.

L: Awesome.

AA: How was babysitting the little one?

(I fill her in for like 3 minutes on the trials and tribulations of Exploding Diaper Boy.)

AA: Did I see somewhere that you had an interview recently?

(I fill her in for another 3 minutes on details of the interview and where I stand in the job search right now.)

AA: That's so great. Let me know how it turns out.

L: I definitely will.

AA: Well, one of the reasons I was calling you is...

(I hold my breath, kind of knowing what's coming.)

...J and I got engaged last night!

L: AHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG ASFBIASGHOINOVDHSGIOS! I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T BELIEVE IT BUT I KIND OF KNEW IT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW DID HE DO IT WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED WHAT'S THE RING LIKE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT IN TWO WEEKS WHEN I SEEEEEEEE YOU AND WHY DID YOU LET ME GO ON AND ON ABOUT POOPY DIAPERS AND JOB INTERVIEWS AND OMG YOU'RE WEDDING'S GOING TO BE AMAZING I'M SO HAPPY I LOVE YOU I CAN'T BELIEVE IT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG ASFBIASGHOINOVDHSGIOS!

Hence, the title of this post.

While in my mind I was kind of dreading the day I would receive this phone call from Ms. AA (because I'm kind of overwhelmed with the number of people our age who are getting married right now), I could not be happier for her and J. He is an amazing man and I would not pick anyone else for her. I'm so excited that they're going to spend the rest of their lives together and I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE ~~OPEN BAR~~ WEDDING.

The best part? J's last name starts with an A. That's right, my beloved Ms. AA will soon be Mrs. Triple-A.

I'm so unbelievably stoked. :)

Open Letters Friday

2009-09-25T16:25:00.005-04:00

So Kim over at Perfectly Cursed Life does Open Letters Fridays and I've decided to join in. Because let's face it, sometimes I'm too much of a pansy to say these things to people's faces, so I blog about them.

***

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know that you're doing me a favor letting my unemployed ass live here for free, but I didn't realize that when I moved back home I was signing up to be a maid. Is it really that hard to unload the dishwasher? Or put your dishes in it once it's unloaded? Including your lunch that you packed for the day at work? And how come you can't seem to finish your laundry so that every. single. time. I go to do MY OWN laundry (which I've been doing since I was seriously 5 years old) I end up finishing yours. And Dad, you in particular, I want to know how in the hell you can make such a mess eating. The number of crumbs and spills you leave after every meal rivals that of my nephew / your grandson. Who is 16 months old. You are 56 years old. Get your shit together.

Love ya, mean it,

Your daughter who really appreciates rent-free living. Truly.

***

Dear interviewers,

Please hire me. I will rock your world.

Thanks a bunch,

The best candidate for this position (who doesn't want to be a maid anymore)

***

Dear college homecoming,

Please come quicker. I can't wait that much longer to see all my college friends and reminisce and complain about how the real world sucks and really just have an excuse to binge drink again.

Anxiously awaiting your arrival,

An unemployed alumna

***

Dear Michael Jackson,

CAN YOU JUST GO AWAY FOR GOOD ALREADY?! I was sad when you died. For like an hour. I still enjoy dancing to your music and reminiscing about rollerskating to your songs in my then-BFF's basement. But seriously, I'm sick of your face and tributes and the movie commercials.

Rest in peace,

A sort-of sometimes fan

First blog award! (And an update)

2009-09-23T23:36:00.008-04:00

I do have an update about the interview and such, but first...

The wonderful Ally over at Life's a Beach was kind enough to nominate me for my first blog award ever! This seems incredibly appropriate to me as I think she was the first person to read/comment on my blog. Thanks, Ally!

The Rules
(because I feel like that should be bolded, italicized and centered...
and possibly accompanied by some ominous music)

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might not know.

5. Name 7 Kreative Bloggers

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

Seven Things [You Probably Never Wanted to Know About Me]

1. I'm allergic to the natural world. I'm not kidding. Grass, trees, flowers, mold, cats (to a fatal degree), bunnies (saddest day of my life when I determined this and had to be quarantined at my friend's sweet 16 until my mom could pick me up or Benadryl kicked in). You name it, I'm likely allergic to it. I spent four years getting shots for my allergies and have now been on sublingual therapy for the past year. This means that every night at 9 p.m. I get to put some really awesome (read: horrible) tasting drops under my tongue and hold them there for three minutes. I also get to carry an EpiPen at all times. I also just talked for WAY too long about allergies.

2. I'm a grammar/spelling/syntax/agreement/overall editing FREAK. Seriously. I reread e-mails 20+ times before sending them. I spent three years as a copy editor on university publications. I love my colored editing pens and my AP Stylebook more than I love my nephew (I'm kidding....maybe). But yes, I make mistakes. And I always feel a huge sense of shame when I realize it. It's probably a little unhealthy.

3. I read a lot. I'm always reading at least four books at any given time. Today I just finished "The Lovely Bones" and then began "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time." I also have collections of Oscar Wilde plays, Hunter S. Thompson essays, and Henry Lawson short stories going.

4. I collect rubber ducks. I just counted 58 on display in my room. That doesn't count the non-rubber duck items (stuffed animals, a wooden duck, etc.) and the ones that my nephew has stolen and inevitably shoved in his toy box. Weird? Yes. It started with ONE duck when I was 14 and then friends and family just couldn't stop buying them for me. All because I complained that I never had one as a child. In 8 years I've accrued 58+ ducks. Ridiculous.

5. Until about a year ago, I didn't think I wanted to have kids. Granted, it was early in my life to think that anyway. But the arrival of the little bundle of joy known as my nephew changed it all for me. That said, it won't be happening for a VERY long time.

6. I don't read the news as much as someone trying to be a journalist should.

7. I have an intense fear of disappointing people - others and myself. I very rarely feel like I'm as good as I should be at anything. Self-esteem issues? Unrealistic expectations? To quote Sarah Palin, you betcha.

My nominations...

(...and I'm seriously blanking right now...I know there are more than these but I'm seriously blanking at the moment...)

1. Only one way down

2. Perfectly Cursed Life

Now that you know more minutia about me than you ever hoped to know...

In other news...

For those who've asked on here, on Twitter and elsewhere (THANK YOU for the well-wishes!), the interview yesterday went really well. I loved the people I met, the position sounds even better to me than before, the perks are amazing, the location would be ideal, etc. I felt entirely comfortable and felt like I handled all the questions REALLY well and established myself well in their eyes. Buuuuut they still have interviews through next week, so it'll be probably another week and a half to two weeks before I hear anything about their decision. So keep up the good thoughts for me and I'll be sure to let you all know when I hear. Trying really hard not to get my hopes up. If all else fails, it was another interview experience and I improved exponentially on this one over the last one.

New York will never be the same

2009-09-23T01:11:00.002-04:00

22. 55. 55. 50. 74. 73. 67.

Those are the ages of the group of seven of us who went to NYC this weekend. I assume you can guess which age is mine. And based on the numbers, you might think I probably had a really crappy time with my mom, my mom's two best friends, my grandmother and one of my mom's friend's mother and aunt. But you could not be more incorrect. And New York will never be the same.

My mom's work organizes a bus trip to NY every year to see a broadway show and give the employees and their guests a chance to enjoy the city. I went two years ago with my mom and my grandmother and we saw The Lion King, which was phenomenal. But this year, with a group of seven of us going and seeing Jersey Boys, I wasn't sure what to expect.

My first hint at the awesomeness we were about to experience should have been the following event on the bus at 6:30 a.m. before we left. My mom was looking for her coffee mug, which she had given to my grandmother. As my mom frantically searched for her coffee mug a little later, Nana was oblivious. When we pointed out to her that it was in her lap, she said:

"Well it's been so long since I had something warm between my legs that I didn't know what to do with it."

I am not kidding. A little later she said something along the lines of:

"I'd have more fun with a dildo than I would with him."

My grandmother, ladies and gentlemen. She is one classy broad. She is also the one who decided we had to have lunch at 11:20 a.m. after walking around the Broadway markets for a while. So we went to a place called McGee's. We were the only people in there other than friends of the owners.

First thing that happens? Nana orders a vodka and tonic. So Rose, one of Mom's BFFs, ordered a Mich Ultra. They were disappointed they were the only ones drinking and they were being so ridiculous that when I ordered my meal (fish 'n chips YUM), I ordered a Sam Adams as well. 11:30 a.m. Close to my record start time.

We wandered the city a bit more after a lunch riddled with more inappropriate comments and uncontrollable laughter, heading to Central Park and such. It was then that I realized I really, really need to do NYC with friends. Walking with all these older women just wasn't cutting it. I would be walking along at my normal pace and then look over my shoulder and realize they were all a block behind me. I also had a strong sense of "I WANT TO MOVE TO NEW YORK RIGHT NOW." Yup. It hits me every once in a while, so I expected it while I was actually there.

After walking the old women into exhaustion, getting some free Bare Minerals makeup in a super cute reusable bag, observing some of the sights and running into our bus driver on the street (what are the odds?), we headed to the Wilson Theater for the 2 p.m. showing of Jersey Boys.

Really, all I can say about the show is this: Amazing.

Seriously. That's all I'm saying.

Post-show, we ran into the guy who played Tommy DeVito, who my mother accosted for an autograph and a photograph. My grandmother went up to him and said, "Are you somebody important?"

Nope, no worries, Nana. He's just one of the four stars of the play you just watched. No big.

We then headed to Rosie O'Grady's for some drinks and food (it was a

very Irish day apparently). We went to the downstairs bar, where we were the only patrons for a while. Our waiter, Bill, was a dear (and cute, but decidedly gay). We all ordered drinks, an appletini for me, and appetizers and settled in for what would become sheer ridiculousness. Between seven of us, we put away:

Mozzarella sticks
Buffalo wings
Chicken tenders
Onion rings
Three appletinis (all me)
Two Mich Ultras (one for Rose and one for her mom)
Five margaritas (two Rose, three for her aunt)
Two Bacardi and Cokes
One vodka and tonic
Two seabreezes (only charged for one though since my mother spilled her first one when it was 2/3 gone)

Ho. Ly. Crap. We made friends with the manager, the owner, the bartender, our waiter, strangers... We laughed so hard we cried. We sang. We danced. We made inappropriate comments. They made me try to tie a cherry stem in a knot because "If a guy sees you do that, he knows you can do some other things." We harassed Bill for being unable to light the fire. We assessed Bill's sexuality. We generally had an amazing time.

Walking from there to Rockefeller was quite the task. We were all drunk and WAY too full of fried food (remember that in addition to the apps there, I had fish and chips at lunch. My colon hated me the entire night and too bad if that's a bit TMI). And when I looked up, I just said to Mom's BFF #2, Jan:

"Whoa. Those buildings are tall. This is when you feel really short. And also, a little more drunk."

We made it to Rockefeller, met up with the rest of the group, relaxed, got on the bus and came back home safe and sound.

I'm pretty sure that New York will never be the same though...or at least McGee's and Rosie O'Grady's won't be.

Rose, Mom and me on the bus on the way back.

Just call me Nervous Nelly

2009-09-22T07:45:00.003-04:00

I have a job interview in like two hours. I'm scared out of my mind. Only like 4 people in my "real life" know about it because I'm done letting them know about things that I only end up disappointed in. But you, my dear blogging buddies, you can know. It's a job I would love (from what I know so far). It's an hour away from here. It's something I believe in. And it's got me all twisted up inside.

So think good thoughts for me today! Update on the outcome of this as well as my NYC trip from this weekend soon!

The One Where I Got Gypped Out Of Three Bucks

2009-09-17T22:41:00.005-04:00

So, does everyone know the episode of Friends (specifically season 2, episode 5, "The One With Five Steaks And An Eggplant) where the group is split down the middle over income? Chandler, Ross and Monica all have great news and want to go out to a fancy dinner to celebrate promotions, etc., but Rachel, Phoebe and Joey are all struggling for money. I think that Rachel orders a side salad, Phoebe orders a cup of soup and Joey orders a "teeny tiny pizza" (in the words of Phoebe). But when the bill comes, the group decides to just split it down the middle, which is when the money issue blows up in all of their faces.

Yeah, that happened to me tonight. I went out to dinner with three friends from high school, two of whom I haven't seen in about two years and the other I haven't seen in more than four years. We went to Chili's, so no biggie. I knew that I only had $15 in my wallet and that that's really all I could afford to spend. Which included tip. And the inevitable shared cost of bottomless tostada chips with queso (because, obviously, you can't go to Chili's without that basket of goodness). So I ordered sensibly - skipped out on a much-desired margarita and just got a water and only got a meal that cost $9. My friends ordered more expensive meals and two of them got alcoholic beverages, including a $6.50 margarita.

So let's do the math:

Free water + $9 meal + 1/4 of chips/queso being only about $1 + 20% tip = $12.

Correct? Correct.

Great. That would still leave me with $3 to not feel COMPLETELY poor.

Well. This all changed when the bill came (after listening for two hours to all three friends complain about how their jobs suck, when all I wanted to do was scream, "AT LEAST YOU HAVE ONE!"). The total was about $45. Immediately, they all decided we should just split it evenly. It was determined that with tip, we should all leave $14-15.

Um, hi. My total only cost $12. Why should I have to pay for your margarita? Oh, and also, our waiter had left off our chips and queso and my one friend's beer. So really, the bill should have been more. Thank GOODNESS he left those items off or I wouldn't have been able to pay the new total for splitting the check evenly.

I know it's only a measly $3 and really, what can you do with $3 these days? (Other than a $2 bottle beer + tip when I go out tomorrow night...I was going to be DD anyway, but now I guess I'm completely sober and broke driver). But it's the principle of the matter. I purposely ordered less extravagantly (although when is Chili's really considered "extravagant") to accommodate my financial situation, but then I ended up paying for portions of other people's meals/drinks? That just seems wrong to me. I probably should have said something, but I didn't want to make a scene over $3 or get more of The Pity Look that I love oh-so-much. But obviously it irked me so I had to come rant about it in blogland.

And I really just loved the opportunity to compare my life to an episode of Friends.

Jay Leno made my week

2009-09-16T23:32:00.004-04:00

So after a bit of a hellish week so far (update to come), Jay Leno totally made everything better tonight. Not only was Robin Williams, who never fails to make me cry from laughing, on the show, but so were...

HAMISH AND ANDY! I was obsessed with these guys when I was in Australia, and their podcasts on iTunes have often kept me sane / out of massive Oz withdrawal depression. They have a radio show and make some television appearances and they are just absolutely hysterical. They've been doing their latest installment of the Caravan of Courage in the States. Leno had them on to do their "ghosting" bit in LA and as soon as he mentioned ghosting, I got excited, but then when he said their names, I literally screamed. My parents were frightened. So I thoroughly enjoyed watching them ghosting Californians. As soon as the video is up on Hulu, I'll post it here, but here's one of them in Oz doing their thing.

Enjoy and go out and try ghosting on your own! :)

Sept. 11, 2001: The day I realized the power of the media (among other things)

2009-09-11T14:02:00.008-04:00

**I just posted this on my professional Web site as a new blog post, but thought it was worth posting here too.**

Eight years ago today is the day I remember as the first time I became truly aware of the power of the mass media. I can remember precisely where I was, what I was doing and how I found out.

I was in my second period U.S. government class during my freshman year of high school (in room 152, to be precise). I believe we had just finished taking a quiz when my homeroom teacher, Mr. E., came in and whispered in my government teacher’s ear. I remember the look of fear on Mr. R.’s face as he tried to figure out how to tell us whatever news he had just heard. Normally a jokester, it was odd for us to see him looking so grim. He informed us that we were not going to be going on with our lesson for the rest of the class period. Two planes had just crashed into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City. He turned on the television and we all sat there in awe of the images before us.

In all but one of my classes for the rest of the [shortened] day, we watched footage of the disaster (or disasters as we became aware of the other crashes). Nobody spoke. Nobody tried to explain anything. We just watched. Together: teachers and students, friends and enemies. Captured by the media coverage of the biggest event of our lives.

After it was announced that schools were closing early, I walked home in fear with my friend, leaving her at her house halfway between school and my house. Planes in the air frightened me, despite the fact that Perry Hall, Md. wouldn’t exactly be a terrorist target. As I approached my house, I had a great feeling of relief as I saw my dad’s car in the driveway. He hadn’t gone to work. I wouldn’t have to sit and watch this unfold on my own, as a scared 14-year-old who has never before experienced tragedy of this scale.

My dad and I turned on the television and it remained on the rest of the night, switching between CNN, Fox, ABC, NBC and CBS, our mesmerized group growing to three when my mom returned home from work.

I remember the television coverage, the Internet reports, and the newspapers the next day. I remember writing on my Livejournal (my first experience “blogging,” if you can call it that...it was really just expressing my teen angst to my friends) about the events, reflecting and reacting.

My only other experience with media saturation of a historic event up to this point in my life was the death of Princess Diana. I remember sitting and watching her funeral on TV with my mom and my sister, but that was nothing compared to this.

On Sept. 11 and the days that followed, as I watched images and videos unfolded, read reports and creative narratives of the events, chills were sent throughout my body. It was the first time I realized the influence the media can have on a people, the first time I realized that the media can unite an otherwise divided nation. And it was the first time I thought:

“This is what I want to do.”

I am pretty sure I still have copies of the newspapers and magazines from the days following the tragedy. I was obsessed - in the wake of disaster, I had found a love for journalism and what it can do. This is a love that eight years later still consumes me wholly.

I will never forget Sept. 11, 2001 for the rest of my life. For the event itself, the lessons I learned and the inspiration I received.

***

SO...where were you? What were you doing? What do you remember feeling?

Beggars can't be choosers

2009-09-02T23:38:00.002-04:00

My sister and nephew came over for dinner tonight. After dinner was the usual playtime with the munchkin. At one point he was sitting in my lap playing with my face and then started giving me kisses. As a 15-month-old, he's not quite sure how kisses work yet. So on kiss number three or four, I suddenly realized that I was kissing his teeth and there was a puddle of drool dripping down my face. He's an open-mouth kisser.

I jokingly said, "No, Cody, I don't want to make out with you!"

My sister said, "Well, Linds, beggars can't be choosers."

And with that, I go to watch "My So-Called Life," which I recently discovered on Hulu. Yay for reliving my childhood / my sister's teen angst years.

Awkward Places to Encounter Eligible Members of the Opposite Sex

2009-09-01T22:26:00.004-04:00

I got a much-needed and much-deserved two-hour workout in at the gym today. It felt so so good and really helped me to clear my mind. Nothing gets me in a good mood like turning up my iPod to the max volume and escaping on the treadmill or elliptical.

But it also brought me back to a blogging idea I had about a month ago:

Awkward Places to Encounter Eligible Members of the Opposite Sex.

I now bring you...

Installment #1: The Gym

Photo credit (and yes, this is my actual gym)

Apparently it's fairly common for people to meet their mates at the gym? How that is, I am not sure. Because every experience I have had at the gym with the opposite sex has always been incredibly awkward. Perhaps it's really just more of "This is a place where it would be cool to meet someone I want to be with, but really it's never going to happen because who wants to be sweating like a pig when they meet their next date?"

And that is one of the main problems for me as far as meeting someone at the gym. I sweat. A lot. I am not one of those girls who goes to the gym wearing makeup, jewelry and a perfectly accessorized outfit, has her hair down so it swings while running and even after an hour on the elliptical, simply "glistens" rather than sweats.

Photo credit

Nope, not me. I wear no makeup because 1) I think that's absurd and 2) it would just run right off my face after about 20 minutes. I sweat. Sometimes like a man. I'm OK with it, specifically when it means that I'm getting an awesome workout. But is that how I want to meet a man? When I'm dripping sweat with my hair back in a ponytail, wearing no makeup and wearing running shorts or stretch pants with a tank or an old college tee? NO.

Another problem is determining while you're moving at high speeds if someone is attractive. It's happened to me multiple times where I've been on the elliptical at full intensity, jamming to a little Kanye West and I can sort of see that a male in my age group has gotten on the machine next to me, but I can't tell exactly how old he is, if he's cute, etc. because there is NO smooth way to check someone out at the gym! I have a habit of people watching anyone who comes onto the fitness floor if I'm not fully into whatever I'm listening to and I hate it when I make awkward eye contact with a guy. Not smooth. And I can't tell you how many times I've been caught staring at a guy's abs when he lifts his shirt to wipe his face. It happened moreso at the gym at my college, but still. It's embarrassing when you're on a stationary bike and your jaw unknowingly drops to the floor as some guy's abs are exposed and the next thing you know, he catches you staring. "Uhhhh I was just doing some jaw exercises to supplement my biking...yeah..." Right.

Photo credit

My last issue - music. I admit that sometimes when I'm at the gym, I jam out to some boy bands to remind me of my past, as well as other various "I'm a little ashamed to have this on my iPod" artists that I just can't help but listen to every once in a while. More than once I've been oblivious to how loud my iPod is turned up and then next thing I know as the Backstreet Boys come on and I subconsciously start lipsynching along, I get looks of "Who the hell is this girl and why is she stuck in the 6th grade?" Awesome.

Anyone ever met a significant other (or even just a date) at the gym? Is it just me or is it a really awkward place to encounter potential dates?

Thank God for self-checkout...

2009-08-31T14:07:00.004-04:00

Today, I am extremely grateful for the self-checkout option at my public library. I went in with the intention of getting maybe two or three novels to read (I've become even more of a bookworm than I already was in my state of unemployment). I ended up leaving with the following:

"The Ultimate Job Search" (Not too bad, just a little advice)

"The Career Coward's Guide to Job Searching" (Maybe I am a career coward? I don't even know)

"Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths" (the cover of which just screams "SELF HELP BOOK!" with its goldfish leaping from one bowl into another...I kid you not)

and

"Better Single Than Sorry" (I'm about to take advice from a former Bachelor/Bachelorette contestant...)

...in addition to the two novels I wanted.

I don't think I could have taken the looks of pity I would have gotten by checking out these books. It would have been even more embarrassing by adding a few dieting books, but I avoided that section.

But thanks to the wonders of Express Checkout at my library, I didn't have to face the looks of pity I have become so accustomed to and instead got to check out my books in peace and then scurry out of the library, just hoping I didn't run head-on into a gorgeous guy and drop my books at his feet. Luckily, that only seems to happen in movies.

I wish...

2009-08-25T15:19:00.003-04:00

...I had enough money saved up to do the following things:

Pay off my student loans
Move to somewhere new and exciting and THEN find a job
More specifically, move to New York City and get an awesome internship, without worrying about how the hell I'm going to live considering every single media internship in NYC is unpaid and, let's face it, I'm broke. (This thought creeps into my mind at least once a week lately)
Travel extensively with a few of my friends / media colleagues and start my own travel blog/Web site. Unfortunately, this requires cash for: transportation, accommodations, food and, I can't lie, probably alcohol.
Buy a really spectacular digital SLR to pursue photography more, perhaps on said travel blog mission.
Buy a Flip camera, which would also assist me in the travel blog thing by capturing video of my surroundings and the people I encounter, as well as allowing me to do some freelance reporting work.
And if all else fails...just fly to Australia and live with my favorite Aussie boys, work in my favorite pub and just forget about the real world for a while.

Yeah, it's nice to dream, huh?

A Totally Unexpected Happy Monday Morning!

2009-08-24T23:46:00.003-04:00

Even though I'm not in the working world (yet!), Mondays still suck. They mean it's time to buckle down for another week of job applications. And they also mean it is time for my Weigh In.

Usually, it's a dreadful thing. And considering I spent the past two weeks NOT tracking my food, NOT exercising regularly and in general forgetting about my diet altogether, I was expecting the absolute worst.

But I was VERY pleasantly surprised. I stepped on the scale this morning and was, somehow, down six pounds! SIX POUNDS! I squealed! I double and triple checked, but it was correct!

Six pounds, in two weeks, when I spent little to no time thinking about the diet. I'm still slightly baffled considering I went out for both meals and drinks on multiple occasions during those weeks, and just got back from a weekend celebrating my roommate's birthday, where we indulged in alcohol, desserts and delicious meals. But I guess that somehow, I'm subconsciously doing better at this whole self-control thing.

I have noticed that I'm eating far smaller portions lately, and that (with the exception of one wild night), I'm limiting my alcohol intake as well. Because we all know that alcohol can be an absolute killer on a diet.

So I guess that something's working! This week, I'm kicking it back into high gear. Counting my points, keeping my journal, and getting back in a regular exercise routine, starting with the gym tomorrow morning!

Wish me luck!

Weight difference over the past two weeks: -6 lbs

Total weight difference over the past four weeks: -8 lbs

(Also be on the lookout for a post coming up full of observations about the male species. I had quite the enlightening weekend.)

Are You Crazy?!

2009-08-19T12:09:00.002-04:00

So it's been a while since I posted. Things have been a bit hectic for me, including an epic weekend with my former roommate and a speedy trip down south for a job interview.

My roomie came in town on Friday afternoon and we grabbed lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings (mmmmm so good!) and then went to see The Time Traveler's Wife! We have both read the book multiple times and are obsessed, so we'd been anticipating it for a LONG time. We had low expectations, but were pleasantly surprised by it. I'm curious how it would be to watch the movie without having read the book though. Did anyone see it without reading it? I want to know what that experience was like. We then headed downtown to my happy hour party at the dueling piano bar. It was me, Roomie, BFF, high school buddy, BFF's ex-boyfriend and his friend. Turns out, I went to elementary school with the ex's friend. Small world. It was a ton of fun and everyone meshed well together, which I was worried about.

Saturday was the Alumni Crab Feast "Welcome to the City" event for my university. It was my first crabs of the year! YAY! Roomie and I went, along with one of my fellow editors from the college paper and a friend I met in middle school and reunited with in college. I also got to see an old coworker who is a fellow alum, so it was a great time overall. We were the only 09 grads and therefore the babies that everyone was fawning over. Slightly awkward, but not unbearable. It just sucked to be the one in the group of four who had no life plans to discuss. Womp womp.

Anyway, Sunday I woke up bright and early and Mom and I went to the airport to go off on a job interview for a copy editing position with a newspaper. Long story short, the town is in the middle of nowhere, majorly in the Bible Belt, everything was closed on Sunday and while the people were nice for the most part, I wasn't ecstatic about it. I didn't do as well as I had hoped on the editing test I took, but the interview itself went well. And apparently I impressed them, because they've offered me the job. BUT, I'm not going to take it.

After getting back home on Monday night, I was thinking, "OK, I can picture myself in the apartment we looked at, but that's about it..." I don't see myself being happy there. And when I got the voicemail yesterday saying they were offering me the job, nothing inside of my changed. I was flattered, but I wasn't excited. So I talked to them today and got the details and they're giving me until Friday to make a decision, but I already have my mind made up.

Now here's the question: Am I crazy?? I've had several people (including a stranger in the airport) tell me that I should take whatever is offered to me. In this economy, you can't be picky. And I know the economy sucks. Of all people, I know that. But I have too many friends who took the first job they were offered and are now completely unhappy. And besides, why would I pick up my life and move 7.5 hours away to be unhappy in a job?

There were also some other issues with the interview in retrospect...questions they asked me that I've now found out from my former-HR-professional mother are illegal to ask, an inappropriate and uncomfortable conversation with the regional editor, etc.

So, some may say I'm crazy to turn this down, but I'm not willing to sacrifice happiness.

Singles Anonymous?

2009-08-11T16:42:00.005-04:00

Hi, my name is Lindsay and I am single.

[Hi, Lindsay.]

That's often how I feel about my love life, or complete lack thereof. It seems like for the past year, more and more of my friends, family and peers are getting engaged, married and having babies. And while I have absolutely no interest in ANY of those things for myself right now, it's putting some pressure on me.

Around Christmas this past year, my sister tried to convince me that in three years I will be married and pregnant. Um, no thank you! Just because she got married at 24 and had a baby at 26, she's convinced I'm going to follow the same path. That is not in my plan. Granted, it could happen, but it's not the plan. (And based on my current romantic drought, it's not likely to happen either).

It seems like every time I'm around another family member, I get the question again. When my great aunt came over about a month and a half ago, it was the first time she'd seen me after my college graduation. She asked me the questions I'd gotten used to: "How does it feel? What are your plans? How is the job search going? Where are you looking?" etc. And then, out of the middle of no where: "SO when are you getting married?!?!?!" with far more enthusiasm than any of the other questions.

I nearly spit my water out in her face and thank goodness I was sitting down. "Um, no time soon, Aunt Elaine. Thanks for the interest though."

Another aunt has gone the same route. In the midst of telling my mom all about the engagement ring that my cousin designed for herself, she casually slipped in a nice dig at me: "...I mean, I haven't heard anything about Lindsay having a significant other..." Ouch. Thanks for reminding me that my cousin who is five months younger than me is now engaged and I haven't even had a boyfriend in... well, a long time.

Most recently, my dad started in on me. After our vacation this past week, we went out to dinner on Saturday night (we were too exhausted to cook) and he says, "Well, I've got it all figured out. The next two years of vacation." And he proceeded to detail the vacations he's planning for him and my mother for the next two winters and summers. Apparently, my sister and I will be included in the summer vacations. It was when this part of the conversation occurred that I wanted to vomit:

Dad: "And in the summer of 2011, we'll go down to the beach for three days to relax without any kids, then after that Kristin [my sister], Lenny [my brother-in-law], Cody [my nephew] and Amanda will come down."
Mom: "Who the hell is Amanda?"
Dad: "Cody's little sister."
*Mom and I exchange looks implying that my father is insane*
Dad: "And then after another day, Lindsay, George and Julia will come down and join us."
Me: "Um, dare I ask who George and Julia are?"
Dad: "Your husband and daughter."
*Another instance of water almost being spit out at those in my company*

Really, Dad? You want me to be married with a child in less than two years? When I am currently still living in your house, struggling to find a job and, oh yeah, as Aunt Steph so kindly pointed out, I have no romantic prospects? Awesome.

Again, I say:

Hi, my name is Lindsay and I am single. Now, give me a drink and shut up about my love life.

...I guess that could lead to a different kind of "anonymous" group, huh?

Week Two Weigh-in! (and Vacation)

2009-08-10T09:00:00.003-04:00

Today is day 15, two weeks since starting the diet, and therefore weigh-in day! I wasn't expecting great things this week since I was just on vacation with my family. I didn't lose any weight this week, but I didn't gain any either! I maintained my weight, thus I am still at my -2 pounds point, which I'm pleased with.

I think I was able to maintain the weight for a few reasons. I didn't eat ridiculous amounts of food. I chose salads and veggie options when we went out to dinner. I only had dessert one night and didn't indulge in fudge, taffy or candy when the rest of my family did. I also got up early the first morning to go for a jog, which felt fantastic. And the second morning, thanks to my nephew waking up at 6:30 a.m., I took him out for a nice walk in the stroller.

So I maintained, but didn't lose, because I didn't have full control over what I was eating by eating out every meal. That just means I've got to kick it up a notch this week and in the coming weeks.

Vacation, overall, was a great time. It wasn't exactly relaxing, since the 14-month-old monkey man was all over the place. The latest he slept was 7:15, after not going to bed til 11:30. That's no sleep at all for him, but he was SO energetic whe he woke up. He is an absolute riot and he had an amazing time on the beach, running around on (and eating) the sand. It constantly amazes me how pleasant this child is.

We were all exhausted when we got back on Saturday and I was coming down with a bit of a stomach bug. I woke up yesterday entirely dizzy and nauseated. Luckily today, I'm feeling better.

Goal for this week is to lose another two pounds. Wish me luck!

DAY EIGHT: Weigh-in Day!

2009-08-03T12:46:00.004-04:00

Today is day 8, one week since I started my "New Me Challenge," and thus is weigh-in day! I was a little nervous about stepping on the scale because I went out to dinner on Saturday night and I had my family party yesterday. Buuuuut, it was good news!

I lost two pounds!

It's a great start to the diet and some real motivation for me to keep going. The party didn't prove to be as challenging as I thought. I actually controlled my eating very well, which was helped by the numerous kids I was chasing around and the cousin's boyfriend that I was meeting for the first time (LOVE him!).

The next challenge is coming this week: we leave on Wednesday for vacation through Saturday. Vacation is notoriously bad for diets, but I'm going to try to stick to my guns. And I'm taking my running shoes so I can go for a jog in the mornings hopefully.

Life Thoughts + Weight Loss Challenge: DAY FIVE

2009-07-31T23:49:00.002-04:00

My last post was spawned by some really dark thoughts in my head. I was having a rough night and nothing was seeming right for me. Thanks to those lovely hormones and all the stress I'm under right now, I lost it. I was trying to talk to some friends about it, but I've noticed that my friends lately only want to talk about their problems and don't want to listen to mine. So, that was a failure.

I was/am horribly frustrated with my job search, and even ran into some complications with what I'm trying to do as part-time work until I find a full-time job. I was/am feeling trapped in my house with my family. And I just wasn't feeling happy. I was missing Australia HORRIBLY, probably just because I've been so unhappy here lately and when I'm unhappy I think of my happy place, which just so happens to be on the other side of the world. So I curled up in bed with my stuffed koala, put on my "Goodbye, Australia" playlist on my iPod and sobbed like a baby. That playlist always gets me a bit teary-eyed because it's what I listened to on the plane when I left Perth and I sobbed like a baby when we took off. But this was epic. I can't tell you the last time I cried this hard. I literally cried myself to sleep on Wednesday night.

So I decided that I needed to take Thursday off completely from the job hunt. I went to the gym because it was so ungodly hot outside, turned my iPod on full volume and pumped out an hour on the elliptical and half an hour on the bike. I escaped into my own little world of endorphins and music and forgot about the rest of the world for a while, and it was amazing. And obviously, was a nice addition to my efforts in the weight loss.

Speaking of which, it's getting better every day. I'm feeling fuller and more satisfied with less food already, so I'm looking forward to moving along with this plan even more. Today, I only went over my 24 points by one! Which is good, because I used a little more of the flex points last night at the bar. Ahem. Sunday will be a real test because we've got a family party to go to and I'm definitely a social eater. Last night at the bar, my friend wanted to order some wings, and I was like, "yeah, sure, I'll eat some," even though I wasn't at all hungry. Luckily, when they got there I had one and decided it was too much fat and not enough meat on it that I gave up and stopped eating them.

Taking the day off from the job hunt and just focusing on myself was exactly what I needed. A good workout, some leisure time reading, dinner with my mom and then going to the bar with my two good friends, laughing, carrying on and just enjoying life...it gave me a whole new perspective when I woke up today. And it didn't seem like a chore to apply for a few jobs today.

So the moral of the story, kids, is that we all need "me time" to rejuvenate and not get overwhelmed by the stuff we're obligated to do.

Weight Loss Challenge: DAY THREE

2009-07-29T23:28:00.002-04:00

Today was kind of a slip-up day. Already. Great.

It's a rough week for me this week, probably not the best time to have started the diet since it is indeed my PMS week. AKA I've got the munchies. And the munchies are doing me in.

I've gone over my points all three days so far and no matter how much water I drink or how occupied I keep myself, I'm craving food. Damn hormones. I'm hoping it's just a hump I have to get over and that I get over it SOON.

I also slept later today that I have even on normal days. But that's because I was up until 2 finishing a book I was dying to finish. So I slept til 10. My usual eight hours.

The weather is really messing up my workout routine because I love going outside to work out. It's been so gross out that I'm having issues getting outside. And I didn't feel like driving the 25 minutes to the gym today, so I just worked out in the house today. It still felt good, but I didn't get my usual endorphin rush, so that's a shame.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day right??

Weight Loss Challenge: DAY ONE

2009-07-27T22:53:00.002-04:00

Today was the day. Originally I think I was set to start yesterday, but Mondays signify the beginning of the week much more to me. So today was the day I started my challenge.

Last week, in preparation, I logged my food behaviors and physical activity to see what I needed to change. As I said before, I'm kind of an endorphin junkie and working out isn't really a problem for me. So it's mainly the food. I noticed in the few days I logged that I was eating more often than I need to, at times when I wasn't really hungry, and I was making poor choices about what I was eating. This all helped me in my planning of this big challenge.

Here it goes...

GOAL: Lose 20 pounds by November 1. I've done it before and using an outline of the same plan, I think I can do it again. When I did Weight Watchers last time it took me 14 weeks to lose the 20 pounds I lost, so I think it's reasonable to expect the same. I'm going to be tracking other measurements (clothing sizes, measurements of waist, thighs, etc.) but I'm not setting goals for them (yet) because I'm not sure what is realistic in terms of that.

METHOD: Weight Watchers, sans meetings. I can't afford the "membership" and the meetings never really did me a whole lot of good. I mainly went for the weigh-in and to get that week's materials. I still have all of my materials from then, so I'm using it as a guide. Points counting and such. My daily point allotment is 24 points. When I did this in the past, I exchanged activity points for food points. So if I was at 19 points for my day after breakfast and then did a half hour of intense cardio exercise, I would get to add 5 points back in to my "bank" for the day. For the first couple of weeks, just to sort of shock my system and really get on track, I won't be doing that. I'll be doing my exercise daily, but I am not going to add points back in so I will be strictly at my 24 points per day.

OTHER INITIATIVES: I'm also making changes in other areas that aren't directly related to my physical health, but I think they'll benefit me. First, I'm trying to get up earlier. It's hard to get out of bed when you're unemployed and dreading getting up with nothing to do but search (somewhat hopelessly) for jobs. Granted, I haven't been "sleeping in" by my standards - only until about 9 - but I could certainly get up earlier. I am also trying to limit my television watching. While I do my cover letters and job searches, I generally sit in front of the TV. For hours and hours and hours. So during the day, I'm attempting to limit myself to two hours of television. Typically I eat that up with the Today Show and Regis & Kelly, so it's gonna be a sacrifice, although it may not sound like it. I'm going to work on it and hope that in the future I can get it down even lower than that.

So, all that said...HOW DID DAY ONE GO?!

Wake up time: 8:20 a.m. Unplanned, just woke up on my own. And it was glorious.

Exercise: I went to the local park and power walked/jogged for 45 minutes. I even attempted to run for a little bit of it, but it's a little soon for that. My new running shoes were also giving me a blister. Ouch! Still need to break them in, I guess. After getting home I did half an hour of weight work in the house. Probably doesn't count, but I also danced around a LOT in my newly cleaned/rearranged/opened up bedroom. My body is feeling today's workout, so we'll see how it continues to go.

Food: Now, you'd think day one would be no problem at all. Smooth sailing. Perfect angel. False. It started out well. I had a healthy breakfast and a great lunch. But then the afternoon boredom hit. I went in for a snack...or two...or three. I knew as I was doing it that I shouldn't, but I did anyway. I was disappointed in myself, so I had to make up for it at dinner. For dinner, I made chicken parmesan with a side of penne pasta. I went very light on the sauce and the cheese, had a very modest piece of chicken and an appropriate portion of pasta as well. I felt fulfilled and I was proud of myself for not overindulging on this occasion. Overall, I went six points over my daily allotment. It's technically OK because you are allowed 35 "flex points" over the course of the week, but this isn't how I wanted to start the week off. Just gotta adjust tomorrow. I drank a TON of water today. I lost track of how much, but definitely more than the 64 recommended ounces! Woohoo!

All in all, it wasn't a perfect day but it wasn't a failure either. Where I slipped today, I'll make up for it tomorrow!

Kicking my own ass into gear

2009-07-21T12:51:00.002-04:00

As I said last night, I'm getting better. Getting happier. And that's a good thing.

After a couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I realized I have a lot of things to be happy about. And I'm making a new promise to myself: to be a better me.

It's going to be an internal and external initiative. It starts with my attitude, with smiling more, with thinking positive thoughts and not getting depressed over petty things. Hopefully that spills over to even more motivation to apply for jobs without hesitation. I've been doing well with applying for jobs this summer - minus that two week period where I took a break because I thought I was going to get THE job - but I still hesitate with some. There are still some that I say, "Ehhh I don't know if I'm good enough for that. I'm not qualified. I don't have the experience." But really, what do I have to lose? If I apply and I'm not qualified and I'm not experienced and I'm not good enough, so what? What am I risking? Embarrassment? It's not like anyone's going to respond if I'm not right for the position, other than to say just that. They're not going to laugh in my face. I need to take the risk and just plain do it.

Another part of a "better me" is trying to kick my weight loss back into gear. I did Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost 20 pounds, which left me feeling amazing. I've pretty much maintained that weight over the years since then. While I was in Australia last year, I somehow dropped a bunch of weight. Despite all the eating and, ahem, drinking I did there, I guess the fact that I had to walk EVERYWHERE served me well. I've kind of gained it back in the past year though. I've worked out consistently and I'm a total endorphin junkie, but I'm not losing weight anymore. SO it's time to kick my eating habits in the ass. I overindulge. I have a hard time saying no to sweets. And I eat when I'm bored (and I'm bored a LOT these days).

So, this is the start of a new me. I'm using the rest of this week to set my plan and starting on Sunday (unless I decide to do it earlier). I was contemplating just starting on the first of the month, but I don't think I can wait any longer. Part of this initiative for me is going to be finding other weight loss bloggers. I've checked out a couple so far, but if anyone knows of any, let me know. And if anyone has any tips to help me out in the process, definitely share that too!

I'm looking forward to having another direction to take my blog. I'll still be writing about other parts of my life, but this is an exciting new part to write about!

Making progress

2009-07-20T22:14:00.002-04:00

I'm finding ways to be happier here at home.

Rejections aren't getting me down anymore - I'm taking them as learning experiences. I'm applying to every single job I can find, anywhere in the country. Although I think I've decided I want to stay in the MD-PA-VA area.

I'm making myself get out more often, reconnecting with friends, going out to new places, trying to meet new friends. I still miss my best friends and long for those college nights, but I'm making do. One of my best friends is moving to Alexandria soon for her job, so I'll be about to see her more easily now.

I'm also making more of an effort to eat healthier and exercise more, as well as have a more positive attitude. All those things added together equal a happier me.

Yes, I'm still frustrated at being unemployed and yes, I want to get out of my parents' house ASAP, but I'm happier. I'm getting there...slowly but surely...

Will I never learn?

2009-07-12T22:34:00.002-04:00

I didn't get the job. And it's not so much the not getting the job that bothers me, it's the telling people I didn't get the job that bothers me. I've definitely learned my lesson - next time there's a job I really want that I'm going through the process for, I'm only telling my parents, if them. No more telling everyone I know, because it sucks to have to say, "Oh, actually, even though I thought I was gonna get it and I was already checking out apartments in such-and-such city because I'm an IDIOT, I didn't get the job," and then have people give you THE LOOK and say, "Ohhh, I'm so sorry," when half of them didn't want you applying that far away anyway. So long story short, job searches and applications are going to be secret from now on. I should've learned this from other things over the years that I've applied for and told me about and then got rejected from. This was the biggest one though, so I think it'll stick now.

Another thing I'm never going to learn? To stop looking up the one person I've been in love with slash maybe just obsessed with for many, many years. I forget about him for a while, then he randomly pops in my head and I decide to Google him and I just did that and now, for the first time, he has Facebook and I'm so tempted to friend him, but that just seems silly since we haven't had any real communication in about a year and a half and the last time I tried to contact him I got no response, so really, what's the point, especially since he's off in Asia teaching small children English or something right now? The real root of the problem? In my mind I'm convinced he's perfect and that I'm supposed to marry him.

When I behave in irrational ways and really annoy myself, the run-ons and poor grammar really come out. Hence the "sentences" in this post that I had to struggle to get through reading in one breath / thought. Oy.

Really though, will I never learn??

Real life reality check

2009-07-06T15:09:00.002-04:00

I've learned something today. It's really hard to write cover letters for jobs you don't really want. And even harder when you're bitter about the fact that you still haven't heard back, negative or positive, about the job you really, really want. It's taken me all day to write two cover letters. I have four more job listings sitting in front of me that I printed out at 10 this morning, planning on having the six of them sent off by this time at the latest. Not to mention that I really need to find even more to apply to.

I feel like I'm in a slump and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't feel motivated. I don't have much else to say. I'm just not enjoying this process. The real world kind of sucks right now. I'm getting to that point where I really need to start making money. And I need to feel like I have a purpose again. Right now, I feel like I'm just here. Just floating around in this world serving no one and that sucks. Royally.

Maybe it's time to go for a walk and get out of the house. After I write at least one more cover letter.

Photo albums, garlic fries and an amazing baseball game

2009-07-01T00:16:00.003-04:00

In order to keep myself from going nuts while waiting to hear about this job, I've been trying to keep busy. Yesterday I hit the gym and the pool for the day, which was fantastic. Today, I ran errands (of course after watching my DVRed episode of The Bachelorette...speaking of which, can this show get any more ridiculous?!) for a good portion of the day.

I went to Target and got some necessities...i.e. a new nail buffer, a new shade of nail polish (Royal Plum, I do believe), deodorant (I got enticed by Degree's new "fine fragrance" line and bought "Sexy Intrigue." We'll see if it leads to any of that in my life) and some new undies. Really thrilling purchases, eh? I then headed to Best Buy where I bought a $50 iTunes gift card, which I only paid $15 for because we had $35 worth of coupons from my parents' ridiculous amount of significant purchases from BB in the past six months. Then I meandered into Michaels, where I purchased an overpriced, but very nice, photo album. I've been meaning to get an album for all my college photos. They've been scattered all over in various albums and now that I'm finished with college, I figured it was time to condense.

So I spent a good portion of the day today going through my photos from the last four years (minus the Australia pics - they get a separate scrapbook) and reminiscing about how absolutely incredible they were. I made my best friends in college and we did so many awesome things together. Birthdays, charity events, road trips, concerts and of course the requisite bar nights and parties. Particularly looking through the photos from my senior year to get more printed, I realized it was fantastic. I stayed connected with old friends, but definitely broke out of my shell and made a whole slew of new friends. It was the most social year I had in college and thus was the most fun. I've only been out of college for a little over a month, but I miss it already.

Another part of my day was cooking some amazing garlic fries to go with leftovers that we were having for dinner. Usually when we do leftovers we try to bring something new into the mix. So tonight I went all new and tried a new recipe. I bought baking potatoes, peeled them, cut them and soaked them, I minced my own garlic (for the second time in a week!), threw it in the oven and about 45 minutes later - voila! Fantastic garlic fries. Mmmmm they were so good. Even my nephew liked them and he doesn't like fries!

After my sister, brother-in-law and nephew left, we turned on the Orioles game (as usual). It was a nothing-special game that turned into history. We were trailing the Red Sox 10-1, but ended up coming all the way back to win it 11-10! The biggest comeback in Orioles history! Absolutely incredible to watch. They are really playing some great baseball these days, despite the occasional slump. I'm going to miss watching O's baseball whenever I move elsewhere...

Tomorrow will be one week since my last conversation with this potential employer, so I'm hoping to hear from them soon. Like...tomorrow.

Happiness is red wine, a brownie and online Scrabble...

2009-06-26T23:35:00.002-04:00

...or at least that's what it appears to be for my mother.

After a month of being home post-graduation, I've settled into what I consider a pretty mundane routine here at my parents' house. Every night, we sit in the family room, watching the Orioles game. My dad's season at the minor league park just began on Monday so this week, it's been just the girls. And as I sat there tonight bored out of my mind realizing that it is a Friday night, I'm 22 years old, and I was sitting at home with my mother watching a baseball game on TV, I realized that my mom seemed happy.

She was sitting in her usual spot, drinking a glass of red wine, eating a warm brownie that I'd just baked, and playing what I'm sure was a rousing game of Scrabble on Pogo.com. And she had this smirk on her face that made her look entirely content. Let me justify it a bit by saying that she doesn't just play, she talks to the people she plays with, which I guess puts it almost on the same level of blogging...almost. Anyway...

While I kind of admire her for being content with something so simple, it made me really sad. I wondered how many nights she spent doing the same thing while I was away at school. And I wondered how many more nights she is going to spend doing that once I get a job and move out. And during those times, there's no one there to address with criticism of the announcers or the sheer stupidity of people who play online Scrabble. It made me wonder what kind of life that really is. And if I'm doomed to be that way in the future.

Of course now I'm up in my bedroom blogging, so maybe I'm already there. It's made me decide one thing though. When I get a job and move out on my own, I am going to make an effort to make friends as soon as possible. I will not sit home on my laptop playing online Scrabble unless I actually WANT to.

Next time, I'm making her turn off the computer and we're getting out the real Scrabble board. After all, aren't Scrabble, red wine and brownies just a little bit better with people you like?

Not too much longer to wait...I hope...

2009-06-24T20:53:00.002-04:00

It's time for a little more of that waiting business. Had the second phone interview today and it went well. There was a lot of talk of "We want to make your transition as easy as possible," and "The good places to live are..." and "Well what are you up to now? Or how soon can you be here once we need you?" The person I talked to today graduated from my alma mater four years ago and knows the adviser of the newspaper very well, and I know for a fact she's spoken with him about me.

It's no guarantee and I'm trying not to get my hopes up yet, but they're making a decision this week (although that's what they said last week too).

I really, really want this job. And I vocalized that on the phone today in case I hadn't before.

Put some good thoughts, prayers, wishes, whatever you please out there for me! I'd appreciate it!

Late-night, painkiller-induced ramblings

2009-06-23T01:11:00.004-04:00

All right, all right, all right. So I suck at this blogging thing. But since it's 1:11 a.m. and I'm wide awake thanks to the painkillers from my dental work that are supposed to be putting me to sleep, why not make a comeback?

So one year ago I was en route back to the United States after spending five amazing months in Australia. And one month ago I was eight hours away from my college graduation. Now, I'm sitting in my bedroom in my parents' house, in pain from my wisdom teeth extraction and playing another inning in the Waiting Game, my new favorite (or least favorite) sport.

I've never been an impatient person. Ever. I pride myself on being able to tolerate long waits, on being remarkably patient with even the most annoying people, and on generally going with the flow. Lately, however, I'm finished with waiting. Tonight is a prime example. I was falling asleep during the 11 o'clock news. I stayed up til 11:30, then washed my face, took my pain meds, changed my gauze and crawled in bed at approximately 11:45. An hour and a half later, I haven't caught a wink of sleep. And I'm annoyed. I lay here waiting for my eyes to close, waiting to drift off into slumber and waiting to not be remarkably uncomfortable. I'm awake and I'm still uncomfortable. Not even necessarily thanks to the pain. I think that it's because I'm being forced to lie on my back and I NEVER sleep on my back. OK, I'm sure I have before, but that's not how I fall asleep. I fall asleep on my stomach usually. But since it hurts to put pressure on face, stomach-sleeping is out of the question. ARGH.

And then there's the fact that the other eight and a half innings of the Waiting Game are catching up to me again. It seems like since I graduated and kicked the job search into high gear, all I do is wait. I wait for the "right" job listings to appear. I wait to get some sort of confirmation about the materials I send out. When I don't get that, I send an e-mail off or make a phone call to the appropriate person and then wait to hear back from them. I wait for rejections (four), I wait for "We'll review your materials and get back to you" (about six) and I wait for "We'd love to speak with you because you seem AWESOME" (just one).

That one I waited about a week and a half for. Then I had to take a copy editing test for them. And I waited for the FOUR-HOUR test to be over with, and then waited oh-so-anxiously to hear back from them about it. Three days later I got an e-mail asking for a phone interview. YES! So I set one up for last Monday afternoon. I got all my materials ready, decided to get dressed up professionally in order to feel like it was more of a real interview and then I waited...and waited...and waited. And 25 minutes before the scheduled time I got an e-mail asking to reschedule for the next day. More waiting.

Tuesday morning, I went through the same routine. I got up, ate breakfast and tried to remain calm as I waited and waited and waited. The phone rang 27 minutes before the scheduled time and my heart jumped into my throat. It was a call from Purple Heart about their next collection date. Not this time, call next time. And I promptly hung up the phone. Another 25 minutes of waiting to go. 10 minutes before call time, the phone rings again. Someone calling to remind my dad of his dentist appointment on Thursday. OK,THANKYOU,GOODBYE. Hang up again. Ten more minutes of waiting. By that point all the nerves were gone and I was just ready for the call. Finally it came and the interview went really well. The next inning of waiting was about to being though. The interviewer told me that more than 100 people had applied, they tested 20 and she was only interviewing five. FIVE PEOPLE. I had a one in five shot at this job. HOLY. CRAP. She told me she was hoping to have a decision in the "next few days." Friday. Friday. Friday. Friday! More waiting.

I waited through Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. No e-mail. No call. I occupied myself with exercise, with shopping (including a fierce new "I hope I get to wear you to a new job" skirt from NY&Co.), and luckily, with an out-of-town visitor I met in Australia last year. I waited through Saturday and Sunday. And today was my dental work so I set up an auto-response on my gmail to let people know I wouldn't be responding to e-mails today. I checked my e-mail at 5:30 after waking up from nap number three for dinner and had an e-mail from her. Of course. I knew it would happen that way. She was wondering if it was possible to do a second phone interview tonight or tomorrow. Well. I responded promptly and said I could do tomorrow but my speech might be slurred and my mind might not be the sharpest thanks to my dental work. And I waited, waited, waited for a response. Nada. So now I'm waiting again.

It looks like Tom Petty was right...
"The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part."

It's like it's the bottom of the ninth, the game is tied, the bases are loaded with two outs, and I'm just waiting for that pitch. It looks like I'm either gonna hit a bloop single to score the winning run or I'm gonna pop-up to the pitcher and look like a creep. I'm hoping that at least in the matter of this whole sleeping thing I can get that game-winning RBI for that game at least...

(Yes, I just ended this with Tom Petty lyrics and a baseball analogy. It's late, cut me a break....and praise be to anyone who read this whole thing)

Fail. And win.

2009-06-15T11:41:00.002-04:00

So I have failed at getting back into the swing of blogging, but life has taken over. With oodles of job applications, a copy editing test, a visiting roommate, an alumni function, a sudden and unexpected death of a former colleague and an impending phone interview (2 hours and 18 minutes away!), I've had little time for this.

I will try to update later tonight about everything. This whole job search thing is definitely giving me things to write about. :)

Off to prepare for the phone interview some more!

Ch-ch-ch-changes (Part 2)

2009-06-03T10:56:00.002-04:00

My second installment of things to get used to since moving back to my parents' house. Check out numberse 10 and 9 here.

And now, for numbers 8 and 7...

8. Babyproofing!
My nephew just turned 1 a couple weeks ago and is extremely mobile now. He's walking all over and getting into absolutely everything. His favorite toy at my parents' house is the tupperware cabinet. Thus, I came home to various babyproofing measures. Cabinet locks, some cabinets rearranged entirely, monitoring the ant traps that are on the floor anytime the kid comes over, etc. At least once a day I find myself confused by one of the baby locks, which makes me wonder if I really deserved that diploma they gave me on the 23rd.

7. A new tv, Verizon Fios and DVR
While I was gone at school, my parents took the plunge and replaced our ancient tv with a new flat panel Sony Bravia, and then decided to go even further by ditching Comcast in favor of Verizon Fios. The television is beautiful, but trying to figure out the new channels is a challenge. There are 1300 channels. No joke. But about 300 of them are movie channels we don't subscribe to (including Playboy...what a shame haha), probably 300 are repeats but in HD or super duper HD or whatever, and there are about 500 sports channels, which thrills my father. But finally, we have Game Show Network back, as well as TV Land, two channels we mysteriously lost a few years ago thanks to Comcast. Lingo? Check. Leave it to Beaver? Check. And my new favorite thing? DVR and rewinding live television. During my daily job application induced haze, I can catch up on all the tv shows I'm too ashamed to watch while my parents are around judging me, such as The Bachelorette and Here Come The Newlyweds. Score.

Ch-ch-ch-changes (Part 1)

2009-06-02T22:41:00.004-04:00

There are a lot of things to get used to after graduating college. It's been just a week and a half since my commencement day, one week since moving, and I'm still overwhelmed with the things that are different.

Over the next few days I'll be doing posts of my top ten things I've had to adjust to since returning to my parents' house. Here is the first installment, numbers 10 and 9.

10. The "What's next?" question.
Okay, so I've been hearing this question for about a year now, as soon as everyone realized I was about to start my senior year of college. And I'd pretty much nailed down an answer. But now, the "what's next?" question is much more prominent. I have no college life to hide behind as an excuse for why I don't have a job. I got away with saying that my last year of college pretty much dominated my entire life (and it did). But now, as I sit at home on my laptop every day, there's really not much of an excuse. I have to have a solid answer when people ask. For now, it's: "Well, I'm back home with my parents for a while because they're generous enough to let me come back. But I'm applying to jobs like crazy, about five or six a day, and we'll see where it leads me." I long for the days in the not so distant past when I could say, "Ah, I'll worry about it when I get there." Because now, I'm there. Crap.

9. Résumés, cover letters and clips - oh my!
Here's a rundown of my typical day here at home. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Turn on the tv. Sit in front of the tv with MacBook in my lap, watching horrible talkshows or sitcom reruns. Do some Facebooking, some Twittering, some catching up on blogs. Head over to JournalismJobs.com, Monster.com, Mediabistro.com, Careerbuilder.com, etc. and make the list of jobs to apply to that day. Go for a walk/go to the gym/do some sort of physical exercise. Come back. Take a shower. Eat lunch. Write cover letter after cover letter after cover letter talking about how awesome I am for the position and send off e-mail after e-mail after e-mail begging for a job, even if I don't want it that badly. Thrilling, eh? There have been a handful of jobs that I've been truly excited to apply for and I'm crossing my fingers. Luckily today, I received three e-mails from people I sent stuff to yesterday - one saying the position was already filled and two saying they got my application and will be in touch. At least I'm getting responses now - that's leaps and bounds above what I got back in February during my first rush of job apps.

Part two coming tomorrow!

Eek!

2009-06-01T09:35:00.003-04:00

My apologies for the lack of updating! Life's been a bit crazy since I posted last.

Quick updates in bullet form:

Graduation went off without a hitch! No rain, so we got to graduate outside, and only one train went by during the ceremony. I have my diploma (we actually get ours at the ceremony, which is rare) and it feels great. Surprisingly, I did not cry on graduation day, but sobbed like a baby the night before and could barely sleep I was so anxious.
I have been back home for almost a week now, but it feels a lot longer already.
I just yesterday finally got my room set up to the point where I can actually walk without tripping over something and am 100% unpacked (and/or stored in terms of the stuff I'm not using til I move out). But I don't want to get too comfortable here because I do want to move out ASAP.
There are loads of things to get used to back here in Maryland, which I'll write an entry about later: babyproofing, Verizon Fios and DVR, lack of southern hospitality, and the list goes on.
I'm applying for jobs at a rapid rate. Once I get breakfast, go for a walk on this beautiful day and run a couple errands, I'll be applying for a bunch more today. Wish me luck!

That's about it for now - I'm hoping to have more to write about as I go through this whole college-to-career transition.

Praying to the Sun gods

2009-05-17T16:32:00.003-04:00

Okay so. I take my last exam tomorrow morning and then I get four days to party before graduation. That's right, graduation is on Saturday. It's kind of a big deal.

It's tradition to graduate outside, "Under the Oaks." Elon in Hebrew means Oak (or so we are told). Thus, when we attend convocation as freshmen we are given an acorn and after graduation we are given an Oak sapling. It's supposed to symbolize how we've grown over our time at Elon. This is something I've been looking forward to for almost four years. Getting my time Under the Oaks celebrating my hard work and accomplishments with the people I love.

The current forecast is for rain on Saturday. If it rains, no ceremony Under the Oaks. Instead, I'll walk across a stage in the gym. I'll still get my sapling and my diploma and it'll still be a great celebration. But dammit, I want my outdoor graduation.

So, if you wouldn't mind, please pray or send happy thoughts or do some sort of sacrifice or tribal dance or WHATEVER you can to get us some sunshine on Saturday so that my fellow acorns and I can grow the way we always dreamed.

Dunzo?!

2009-05-12T13:56:00.002-04:00

So I'm pretty much finished with college. I just gave my senior sem presentation yesterday, and also turned in my final design projects. I turned in my final paper this afternoon. All I have left now is a final exam session where we're watching presentations, one where we're doing project critiques, and then one actual exam.

Really all I have to worry about is that exam. Which of course isn't until next Monday. So I have to somehow keep myself somewhat motivated in order to stay on track for that. My strategy is going to be packing, applying for jobs and doing things like thank you notes for professors. Oh, and of course, studying.

It's pretty weird right now. I may or may not be in denial at this moment. Eleven days til graduation. Uhhhhhhhhhh....

Goooooooin' to the print shop and we're goooooooonna get puuuuuuublished!

2009-05-06T08:49:00.002-04:00

The biggest, most ambitious, time-consuming, rewarding, amazing project I have ever done in my life is about to come to fruition.

For my senior seminar, a classmate and I decided to make a magazine all about study abroad here at our university. It has people's stories, experiences, advice, etc. It's been a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's officially finished as of just less than 24 hours ago. Fully edited, designed and slaved over until the wee hours of the morning, we are finally satisfied with it. And are taking it to the print shop today to get it published.

We can't afford to get more than ten copies printed, so we're also giving it an online presence for more people to access it.

I've never worked so hard on something in my life, or felt so connected to one project, which is precisely the point in doing one final, culminating "capstone" project before graduation. I couldn't be prouder.

Handing off the CD with the documents on it to the print shop this morning is going to feel amazing and such a weight will be lifted from my shoulders. I can't wait to see how it looks on paper and show our class, the contributors, our friends, etc. at our presentation on Monday afternoon and our "launch party" on Tuesday night.

TIME?!

2009-05-03T22:47:00.005-04:00

I really wish someone could tell how it is possibly the night before my last full week of classes as a college student begins...

Time has really escaped me this year. I knew it would, but I don't think I expected it quite like this. I only have six more days of class. The speed at which this year has flown by has really made me want to cherish the time I have left though. I think I did well with that this weekend.

On Friday, I spent a few hours with my former roommate, just hanging out and talking, catching up on life. It's been a while since we've gotten together, so it was nice to chat for a while.

That evening, roomie #3 (I like to call her The Prodigal Roommate - next time I have no inspiration for writing in here, I'll explain why) and I went to dinner at Chili's. Prodigal Roomie and I always have nice little dates, but it's usually just in the apartment, so it was nice to get away for a little bit and enjoy each other's company and some good food. I had a fabulous salad, which I had been craving for days (if not weeks), so I was feeling quite happy. When we got back from dinner, we sat down with roomie #1 (I'm struggling with an alias for her...it'll come eventually lol) and watched "Must Love Dogs" on tv while doing some online shopping and consuming some hot-from-the-oven brownies. :) It was a really chill night and there wasn't a moment of it that I felt lame for being in on a Friday night, because I was with two of my roommates enjoying their friendship because we don't have that much longer together.

Saturday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I didn't do much during the day itself, other than some homework, but we had big plans for the later afternoon into the night. We'd been planning for a while with some of our friends to go catch one of the minor league baseball games in Durham, and Saturday was the day! There was a pretty big group going - me, roomie #1, BFF, my sophomore year roommate (I'm calling her Science Girl) and her boyfriend (Monkey Boy - he's obsessed with monkeys), then two other couples and one other girl who are friends with Science Girl and Monkey Boy, but not us. So SG, MB and their friends were leaving at 3 to go to this restaurant before the game, but Roomie, BFF and I decided to not leave til 4 because we wanted to go to the restaurant after the game.

When we got to the stadium, I was amazed at how many people were there for it. I worked for our minor league team at home, the Aberdeen IronBirds, and never saw that many people there. I later realized it's a much larger park, and remembered that there are no major league teams here (the closest is the Braves), so that explains it I think. Anyway, we went and met up with Science Girl and the gang to pick up our tickets and then went into the stadium. Really, there is nothing like a baseball game on a beautiful day. It makes me smile like nothing else can. Even in the midst of a bunch of awkward people who I don't know.

The Durham Bulls, AAA affiliate for the Tampa Bay Rays, were playing the Columbus Clippers, AAA affiliate for the Cleveland Indians and the game wasn't off to a great start. First inning, 4 runs and 2 errors. DOH! They came back and made some sweet plays and hit a few homeruns, but they didn't win the game. Roomie, BFF and I left around the 8th inning in order to beat what we expected to be a rush over to Tyler's Taproom after the game, where we proceeded to spend the next three and a half hours. We got an appealing seat outside on the patio and also got quite the appealing waiter. :-D Hahaha. No, really, our waiter was awesome. He put up with my indecisiveness (even if he called me out on it!), joked around with us, gave us great service, great conversation and some great eye candy too! There was definitely some flirting going on and I wish I'd had the guts to leave my number or something lol. The girls tried to convince me to, but I chickened out. Oh well. It was a wonderful night of friends, laughter and great beer anyway.

Today I tried SO HARD to focus and do my work, but it just did not happen. And still isn't, clearly. We had an impromptu roommate brunch this morning/afternoon, which never happens. The four of us are never, ever able to all get together without weeks of advance planning. So it was really nice that we were able to do it spur of the moment.

Time is slipping away quickly and I'm trying to take advantage of every minute of it. I'm seizing every opportunity to try something new, to appreciate the people in my life and to live up the end of this amazing, amazing chapter in my life. I am in awe of the fact that I'm graduating in 20 days. Seems like I was just celebrating 100 days til graduation with my friends. But it also seems like it was years ago.

I can only imagine how time will begin to change for me once I'm done with college. Since I don't have a job lined up, I'm imagining it will move at a snail's pace. Living back at home with my parents. No friends at home anymore. It's gonna be rough, but it's just temporary. I'm using the time that I'll have to find a job that I really, really want. I don't want to settle. Because the minute I settle, that's when I know I'm going to miss out on something truly amazing.

But for now, I guess I'll miss out on the amazing life of blogging and get back to settling on my schoolwork... 14 days til I'm finished with schoolwork... I can last til then, right?

COLLEGE.

2009-04-30T10:32:00.002-04:00

I have...

...nine more classes...
...two more projects...
...one more research paper...
...two more presentations...
...at least a couple all-nighters...
...three more weekends...
...and one more exam...

...left in my college career.

18 days til my FINAL final.
23 days til graduation.

Holy. crap.

So much to do before then between schoolwork, things on my 'bucket list' and just plain enjoying the end of college with my best friends.

Now...to work on my research or to plot the night that shall include stealing bricks from the walkways and jumping in all three fountains on campus?

It's the simple things...

2009-04-22T09:54:00.004-04:00

...that really make me smile.

Finally being able to sleep with the windows open is my latest obsession. It's killer on my allergies, but it makes me so happy. This morning when my alarm went off at 8 a.m. to inspire me to head to the gym, I instead turned the alarm off and rolled back over, lulled back to sleep by the sound of my curtains blowing in the spring breeze. There were no sounds outside to disturb me - no people yelling yet, no trash trucks (again, yet) and no landscapers like there were yesterday morning waking me up with their massive machines to give our apartment complex's lawn a perfect manicured look. It sounds really cheesy, but it was nice.

I just got up again at 9:30 and since I have no where to be until 12:30 (gotta love spring semester senior year schedules!), I could totally go to the gym before then. But as I'm sitting here in my pjs, it's a little difficult to motivate myself to go anywhere.

So perhaps I'll just go for a walk around campus and enjoy the beautiful weather (and my beautiful campus - time is winding down rapidly for me to do that).

I hope everyone's finally getting some spring weather and getting to enjoy it at least a little bit!

You and the Cap'n make it happen!

2009-04-16T01:09:00.003-04:00

I just took the liberty of consuming a bowl of Cap'n Crunch at 1 a.m. simply because there are only 37 more days left in my life in which this is a socially acceptable activity.

I'm kind of going to miss college.

I'm sick of waiting on the world to change...

2009-04-10T13:59:00.003-04:00

...so I'm gonna try to change it.

I've been thinking a lot more about the future lately. I guess that's what happens when you get to five weeks until graduation. But I'm wondering what I'm going to do starting on May 24. And really what I want to do.

I go back and forth about whether I want to get into a job right away or if I want to take time to go abroad and volunteer. Both are appealing to me, but I don't know which one will win out.

I've recently rediscovered the roots of my studies that I lost focus on for a while: making a difference in people's lives. That's why I went into journalism and sociology when I started college. But I've lost sight of that over the past few years with all the various assignments. It all became about the here and now instead of about the future. Which is totally fine - I'm actually all about the here and now. But now I'm wondering - how am I going to put this to use?

I was talking with Roomie #2 last night for like an hour, sitting on the counters in the kitchen, about life in general. She brought up her future plans and we got on the topic of teaching. I've toyed around with the idea of teaching journalism before, but I have no idea how I would even go about that. It's something I would love to do, whether it's in another country where their media isn't established (I've seen some jobs like that posted around the Web) or teaching it in high schools here. Obviously the state of journalism is changing constantly, but it's such an important thing in our world.

Anderson Cooper was here earlier this week (insert fangirl squeal...he's been a longtime journalism hero of mine, not to mention my fave silver fox) and really stimulated my thinking about service journalism again.

I've been focusing on copy editing positions, but I'm beginning to think I should refocus on reporting. Writing is what I do. It's who I am. And I've lost that over the years, just as I think the world has lost an appreciation for writing.

This is all very discombobulated, both in written form and in my head. I don't know what I want to do or how I want to change the world. But I know I want to.

That's why I've joined HandsIn. It was created by Nicole Antoinette over at More Is Better, which has quickly become one of my favorite blogs. HandsIn is all about 20-somethings breaking the stereotype and doing things to make the world a better place. I just joined it today although I've been following on Twitter since she posted about it on March 23.

I'm looking forward to seeing what people there are doing and how I can get more involved. I used to be all about making a difference, but I've lost it of late. This is my attempt at regaining my values and trying to do something to better myself and others. I encourage people to join the community and follow on Twitter. People there are already doing great things and I think they will do even better in the future.

Thanks for the guilt trip, Facebook.

2009-04-08T18:22:00.001-04:00

I just went to deactivate my Facebook account temporarily because I have a to-do list that is growing exponentially and inevitably, I end up on Facebook every ten minutes lately. And know what happened when I clicked deactivate?

I got a lovely message saying, "Are you sure you want to deactivate your account? Your 515 friends will no longer be able to keep in touch with you."

My first thoughts were "Hahahahahaha like I really have 515 friends in real life and how many of them actually care about being my Facebook friend??" and "Why is Facebook the be-all and end-all of communication?"

But then...ohhhh, then I saw what was below it.

"Elaine will miss you."
"Claire will miss you."
"Caroline will miss you."
"Ross will miss you."
"Danielle will miss you."

Each with a photo of me and that person underneath it.

Suddenly, I was like, "Aww, they WILL miss me! And I'll miss them! Do I really want to deactivate?! Can I break this almost-five-year relationship with a Web site?!"

Nicely played, Facebook. That is some excellent planning. Perhaps the best guilt trip I've been on in quite a while.

Then of course I ran over here to blog about it. So I guess the problem isn't Facebook alone. It's all my online socializing. Blogging, Tweeting, Facebooking. It's all just so much more fun than buckling down and doing work on my senior sem project or the eight million other things I have to do.

But. I. Will. Do. It.

I can. I have to. I only have 45 days til graduation. I can do this. Right? Right.

So I am not deactivating yet. We'll see if that's still the case in about six hours when I'm probably still only on item two of my to-do list.

Baseball is back!

2009-04-05T20:37:00.000-04:00

And I couldn't be happier! The first time I get to hear Jon Miller and Joe Morgan on a beautiful spring day/evening always makes me smile. :)

Baseball always has and always will be a huge part of my life. I was genetically predisposed to loving baseball. It's a long-running joke in our family that my father came out screaming, "O!" for the Orioles way back on July 8, 1953.

I was exposed to the Orioles and baseball in general from a very young age and began playing softball at the age of 7. I was never as happy as when I was on the softball field or at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. I started out at shortstop and then moved to third base, where people began calling me Brooksy, after the O's great, Brooks Robinson. I stopped playing rec softball when I was in eighth grade and then focused on advancing my skills to play in high school.

I took lessons for fast pitch since I'd only ever played slow pitch before and I made the junior varsity team my freshman year! I was a utility player and I may not have been the best, but I worked my ass off on that team. I continued to take lessons and to play travel ball after freshman year, but when tryouts came along sophomore year, I was cut from the team. I was devastated. This thing that was a huge part of my life had just been cut out of it completely.

I still miss softball. A lot. I really hope that I can get into an adult league wherever I end up after graduation because I miss the smell of my leather glove, the feel of the dirt under my cleats and the rush of catching that ball when it's hit at me. Every time I go home and go to my first Orioles game of the year, I get a little teary-eyed. Camden Yards is home to me just as much as my house is. My dad worked there for seven years and I got to know the stadium inside and out and had the advantage of attending pretty much as many games as I wanted seated behind home plate. I also worked at the stadium for one season for the infamous Boog's BBQ, but that was NOT my fave experience at OPCY, haha.

Um this kid, Jordan Schafer, hit a homerun in his first major league at-bat, in the stadium of the reigning world champions. Sweet life? Indeed.

Spring break, Madeleine Albright and Birthdays - oh my!

2009-04-01T20:20:00.001-04:00

Since I cannot seem to focus on anything resembling work right now, I'll write.

Spring Break:
My spring/birthday shopping trip with Mom was not as successful as I had hoped, but I did get some key things. We started at Old Navy, where I had been coveting a TON of things in the past month. I tried them on. And left the store with nothing. Sad times. So then we went to New York & Company and I didn't see anything in there that I even wanted to try on. Fail. So then we just hit up the department stores. Ended up at JCPenney, where I got some Izod dark denim bermuda shorts and an Izod denim skirt, as well as a simple brown, lace-trimmed tank top. But the key thing is that I got my graduation dress!

It's not a great picture because you can't really see the shape of it, but it's super flattering on me, so I'm excited. :) And a major plus? It's cotton so it won't be stiflingly hot while I'm sitting outside for like three hours listening to names of people I've never even seen in my four years here.

I ended up getting really, really sick while I was home, thanks to the munchkin nephew. I blame him, but really, how dumb am I to kiss him when I knew he was sick? Womp womp. But basically last Friday and Saturday Mom and I just slept all day. And then I had to make the six-hour drive back to school on Sunday. Which was not fun with as crappy as I was feeling - fever, uncontrollable cough, runny nose. Awesome. And then when I got back I had to write a paper for Monday. If there were ever a time to use my least favorite abbreviation, miz, Sunday was the day. But I survived. :)

Madeleine Albright:
Seriously, she's like my new hero. She's absolutely hysterical, incredibly well-spoken and obviously very well-traveled. I wasn't expecting her to be such a great speaker and I knew next to nothing about her before yesterday, but she really got me yesterday. Although, I guess I should have expected her to be pretty bad-ass since she made an appearance on Gilmore Girls in the last season - ironically, during Rory's senior year at Yale.

Birthdays!:
My friends treated me so well for my birthday and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. I woke up yesterday morning and found my bedroom door to be decorated by Roomie #1 with a 'happy birthday' sign, a big '22' and two balloons (which, to me, resembled boobs). I then went to the bathroom and saw that Roomie #2 had taped a card and a 'happy first anniversary of your 21st birthday' sign on my mirror. And THEN when I went out to get breakfast Roomie #3 had also made me signs that were on the door to the side of the apartment that R1 and I share! They put me in such a great mood and R2 was in the kitchen and gave me a huge hug and shouted happy birthday and made me love her lots. haha

I got the usual onslaught of Facebook messages, several phone calls (a rather amusing one from Soulmate) and a few emails. Nothing boosts your self-esteem like a birthday! I had class at 12:25 where I got my midterm back and I got a decent grade on that so I was pleased. The convocation with Madeleine was at 4 and then after that it was time to head to dinner.

I invited my 7 closest girlfriends to go with me to O'Charley's, but one couldn't make it. All the roomies went, along with Soulmate, Neighbour and BFF (we're not THAT close, but it's an inside joke between us that we became BFFs without the help of our mutual friend, R1). I got all sorts of presents from the ladies: a bottle of wine, three pairs of earrings, a set of four wine glasses, a mini Etch-a-Sketch and a Slinky, a photo album, a picture frame and some hysterical coupons for various things from Soulmate. They really are some of the best friends a girl could ask for. Dinner was delicious (as were drinks...and of course O'Charley's famous rolls! - click on that, it's hysterical). We were all in a bit of a food coma by the end of the meal, but it was 100% enjoyable. OH and I got a complimentary piece of their Ooey Gooey Caramel Pie, which was heavenly.

After coming home and being a zombie for a while, I decided to go out with Neighbour and Soulmate because my presentation that was scheduled for today was moved to Monday. So we went to the bar annnnnd the rest is history. Three girls. Three bottles of Woodchuck cider. Three pitchers of Yuengling. A dozen buffalo wings (because we clearly needed that after all the food we ate before...). Another beer for me when we went to the second bar because a friend insisted on buying it for me. And then after that, Neighbour and I went and sat on campus and talked for like an hour about life. Followed by stealing a traffic cone each from a parking lot. And when I came home, I opened the fridge and saw office supplies in Jello, R2's April Fool's joke on some coworkers. It was just a bizarre night. But a fabulous one. :)

Of course this morning was not exactly great, but totally worth it.

Okay, enough procrastination now. Homework? Errr...maybe.

Birthdays...

2009-03-31T20:12:00.000-04:00

...are the best. :)

Today is my 22nd and my friends have made it simply amazing. Just got back from dinner with my six closest girlfriends and I'm getting ready to head out to the bar.

I'll be updating later with details.

Also - we had our Honors Convocation today. Our president made sure to point out (as all the seniors were sitting there in our graduation gowns) that there are only 53 days til graduation. WEIRD.

Springtime? Are you there?

2009-03-27T16:44:00.000-04:00

After spending the past week here in Maryland where it seems like time has moved backward and it's winter again, I am SO ready to get back to North Carolina and a wonderful forecast for the week ahead.

I am ecstatic that on Tuesday (my birthday!) it is going to be 70 degrees and I will finally get to wear this dress, which I bought at Old Navy a few weeks ago:

OldNavy.com

I cannot wait for spring weather, dresses, capris, flip flops and going out on the weekends without a fleece!

As an early birthday present, my mom is taking me out shopping tomorrow since I go back to school on Sunday. I'll be on the hunt for a graduation dress (ahhh!) and some new fun spring clothes. It's been WAY too long since I've gone shopping and I am in desperate need of a wardrobe update.

I didn't get spring last year. I went straight from the dead of winter to the dead of summer in Australia. Thus, I did not get my usual springtime shopping in and I plan to make up for that void this year!

I can feel spring coming and it's even helping me get through this lovely cold my nephew passed on to me!

The man of my dreams...

2009-03-25T16:04:00.000-04:00

...is apparently Elton John.

I've had some very bizarre dreams of late and the most recent one was about nothing but Australia, Elton John and babies. They were everywhere (Elton and the babies). Of course I was amused by this and decided to google some dream meanings. I don't recall the plot of the dreams, but vividly remember the symbols.

So, babies:
"To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted.If you find a baby in your dream, it suggests that you have acknowledged your hidden potential."

And Australia:
"To dream about or that you are in Australia suggests that you feel that you are being pulled toward opposite directions. The dream may also indicate self-exploration into your natural and uninhibited self. Often referred to as the land down under, the dream may be a metaphor to represent your unconscious and your underlying thoughts."

And imagine, they didn't have an entry for Elton John. How legitimate is this source? Haha just kidding.

So the consensus seems to be that I'm looking for new beginnings and trying to explore the unknown and what potential I have. I guess that's uplifting. Of course, the Australia thing is a bit skewed for me since I've been there and it consumes my thoughts frequently.

But I do feel pulled in opposite directions at this point in my life. I'm feeling some pressure to come back home after graduation to be around my family because there are a lot of family things going on right now, but at the same time, I have no real desire to move back here. It's something I'm struggling with daily, but I'll come to some conclusion eventually.

The question is...dream interpretations...valid or a load of bull?

Laugh so you don't cry

2009-03-23T23:08:00.000-04:00

Today was such an odd day. The weather was actually rather nice and I spent a couple of hours outside giving my car a much-needed interior cleaning. There were still some remnants from my roommate's spewfest the night we went the martini bar, but I think it should be good now. Anyway, the weather put me in such a great mood - blue skies and sunshine always do it for me, even if it's still a bit chilly (as it was).

That great mood changed a bit though when I went with my parents to visit my grandmother (dad's side) at her retirement community. It was the last time I will be seeing her alive, I'm pretty sure.

For a bit of the history of this, my grandmother is 88 years old. She's been widowed for eight years. She became a hermit after my grandfather died and once she fell in her apartment a couple years ago, she didn't leave the apartment building again. This past summer, she fell again and had to be hospitalized for a while. She finally moved back to the retirement community but had to live in the medical ward rather than in independent living. She's been spiraling downward pretty quickly the past seven months or so. As of a week and a half ago, they decided she needed to be moved to the dementia ward.

I hadn't seen her since mid-January right before I went back to school. My sister and one of my cousins have both elected to not go see her anymore because it's not the way they want to remember her. She isn't our grandmother anymore really. My parents told me when I got home for spring break that it wasn't good and that it was entirely up to me to decide if I wanted to see her at all while I was home. When they said they were going this evening, I realized I wanted to go see her at least one more time.

The experience was disheartening, to say the least. Conversations are purely circular. She had three questions or comments in a conversation with me that she just kept repeating. She is depressed and in pain and is looking simply skeletal. I have never seen anyone look so skinny and malnourished before. She reminds me of pictures of people in the concentration camps during the Holocaust.

The conversations with her tonight just got to the point where I had to laugh. There was no choice. If we didn't laugh, we would cry, and that wouldn't be any better.

I remember things getting like this with my grandfather on mom's side when he was dying of cancer. The stories when he would urinate in his dresser drawer because the bathroom was too far away or he'd put on 10 pairs of underwear because he was cold (sweaters are so overrated). It's so sad, but so amusing at the same time. And if I'm going to make a choice, I'm going to laugh rather than cry.

She's led an amazing life and I just want her suffering to end. I likely will not be visiting again before I go back to school - I can't watch her deteriorate anymore. It was weird kissing her tonight and saying, "Goodbye," knowing that it's likely forever...

Accepting Plan B (and not the emergency contraceptive...)

2009-03-23T15:55:00.000-04:00

Here I go again, starting over with a new blog. The last one wasn't working out for me and I'm feeling like I'm at a major crossroads now, so a change was in order.

I came across this quote earlier today and it's going to become one of my new inspirations. I don't know who James Yorke is, but apparently he said this:

"The most successful people are those who are good at plan B."

I've accepted over the past few weeks that Plan A as originally intended most likely isn't going to pan out. I am not going to graduate on May 23 and be off in a new, exciting city with an awesome apartment and a killer job at a great publication by June 1. It's just not going to happen. But there's a reason for that, right?

Whatever Plan B is for me, it'll work out. If I'm back home with my parents for the summer waitressing or working retail while searching for that dream job, then I'll survive that.

Of course I'll have plenty more freak-outs, but that's just who I am. I freak. I create drama in my head. But I get over it eventually. And I move on, live my life, and ultimately love it.

So, here's to Plan B. To accepting change. To moving on. And to loving life.